FORMAT: Half-Hour Single-Cam [Serialized] TV | Existential Comedy | Premium Cable
LOGLINE: An Essex nail technician teams up with a crew of squatters to reclaim her ancestral country estate, sparking a clash with the Lord of the Manor and his devious family.
WORLD: Present day, Essex/London.
We open on STACEY SHITE’ (6), standing in front of Brackley Estate - a stunning countryside mansion in the English Countryside. Her mum, brimming with questionable pride and cheap beer, insists on a photo outside, claiming the place used to belong to their nan before some random bloke inherited it, thanks to the crusty rules of male peerage. The nostalgia trip ends with her mum drunkenly busting moves in the road - only to be flattened by a tractor hauling horse manure.
...............Flash forward thirty years…........
…and Stacey has traded manure for luxury in a swanky London flat. Dressed to kill, she’s with her lover - a sleazy, married barrister whose idea of foreplay involves worshipping feet. The romance dies when he calls her his “salt-of-the-earth nail technician”, reminding her that she’s not of his “class”. Things escalate into a chocolate sauce battle before Stacey grabs his Rolex (turns out to be fake) and a random page from a document titled The Right to Female Peerage Bill. When the housekeeper unexpectedly arrives, Stacey makes her escape through the window.
Cut to Brackely Estate. LORD HUMPHREY and his adult offspring musing over their privilege and caviar for breakfast: there’s even mention of a fox hunt. When their solicitor arrives, the family grows curious. Humphrey declares they’re going bankrupt - his wife vomits in her mouth. Ha! He’s joking… Well, not entirely.
We’re in a run-down part of town, and Stacey is sulking outside her boarded-up nail salon, Rolex in hand and dignity in the gutter. Enter LARRY, her dad, who drives her back to reality, her childhood council estate. To make things worse, Larry’s partner, Paulette, wants to rent out the room Stacey’s currently staying in. Stacey clings to hope that she can resurrect her nail salon business, but the bank shuts down that idea. Her only hope is securing a guarantor - and a rich one at that.
Drowning her woes with Pinot at a pub, Stacey spots breaking news on the telly: The Right to Female Peerage Bill has passed. Women can now reclaim ancestral estates snatched by their male relatives and custodians. Stacey’s eyes light up like she’s hit the jackpot. Brackley Estate, here she comes.
Back home, Stacey’s eviction is expedited when she and Paulette get into a slapstick showdown over a fake tan jibe. Booted onto the street, Stacey crashes DEBBIE's ( a former employee) tragically unfunny stand-up set at a pub. After two cosmos and some desperate charm, Stacey persuades Debbie to join her ridiculous plan: reclaim Brackley Estate and rebuild the nail salon. Debbie is reluctant but caves in - she needs a job, and Stacey needs a place to crash.
Debbie's new home is a squatters' commune run by TIGER, a 50-year-old wannabe Robin Hood obsessed with conspiracies and anti-hunt protests. Unbeknownst to Stacey, Tiger and his followers need a new crib to crash. Stacey reluctantly agrees to an elaborate heist: infiltrate Brackley Estate on fox hunt day and squat in a disused part of the house - the Ballroom.
Cut to the morning of the hunt, and the plan is set into motion. The squatters, turned heist crew, pile into a battered van loaded with protest signs, and badger piss to disrupt the hunt's trail. Tiger channels his inner Rambo in combat gear while Stacey power-walks across a muddy field with a backpack of questionable tools and a faint whiff of panic. Lord Humphrey spots Stacey’s poorly camouflaged pink Mercedes hidden under a tarp. Meanwhile, Stacey locks eyes with a fox mid-field. It feels symbolic, though neither of them knows why. Humphrey and his son James spy Stacey nearing Brackely. They sound the hunt horn, sending Stacey into pure panic. The men gallop towards her, and Stacey bolts for the back of the house. A decoy in a blond wig (sent by Tiger) appears. Like a lamb to the slaughter, he runs across the lawn, chased down by James and Humphrey. Once inside Brackley. Stacey collapses on the floor, triumphant but filthy. She whispers to herself, “Mum, we bloody did it.”
Stacey was shortlisted for the 2025 Female Pilot Club Awards in association with BBC Comedy.